Dating For Dummies!

You can read this book from front to back or treat it like a reference and hop around, reading only those sections that apply to you. If you don’t want to read through the entire book, here is a brief guide on where you can find information specific to your situation (you can also use the Table of Contents or the Index to find specific topics)If You Are:

1. Young (13 to 17)

Whole book, but ignore Chapter 22 about sex.

2. Inexperienced (that is, have never dated, have done no serious dating, have dated fewer than three people, or have had fewer than three dates)

Whole book, but go slow. Almost everybody feels like a dummy to start.

3. Divorced

During the year you are waiting to resume dating (and no dating until one full year has passed), read Part I carefully, especially Chapter 4 about figuring out  who you are, what you want, what went wrong, and waiting. Also read Chapter 24 on rebound. (It’s also not a terrible idea to do some work on self, with or without a therapist.)

4. Separated

Don’t even think about dating. Follow the same advice for divorced (see the preceding), only more so, and memorize Chapter 24 on rebound.

5. Unhappily married or involved

Chapter 22, Chapter 23 on breaking up, and Chapter 24 And don’t even think about thinking about dating yet. Work on your relationship; if it doesn’t work out, you still have to wait a year after the divorce or final breakup becomes final.

6. Widowed

If you’re widowed at least a year, follow the advice for divorced (see earlier item). If you’re widowed less than a year, put the book aside, hang out with friends in groups, and look at the cover once a month, but no reading until the first year anniversary.

7. Senior

If all you are is older and aren’t widowed or divorced or separated, start from the beginning and just read faster. When it comes to dating, everyone is in the same boat, regardless of age, so enjoy and be willing to feel inept and young and inexperienced all over again. Is that such a bad thing? Maybe not.

Remember, this is a reference book, not a bible. Write in the margins, underline passages, dog-ear pages, and put that cool contact paper on the front if you want.

No panicking, no whining, and no comparing. Okay. Let’s go!

I organized this book so that you can find information easily, whether you’re using it like a reference or reading it front to back. I’ve divided it into eight parts, each part containing chapters relevant to that specific topic. In addition, I’ve included two appendixes.

Part I: The Focus: Who Am I?

Any successful dating experience starts with you; that’s why the focus in Part I is you — getting you ready to begin the glorious adventure of dating. In this part, I give you pointers on being confident, even if confidence is the last thing you feel; getting yourself ready to venture forth into the dating world; and uncovering some of the less than helpful patterns you may have fallen into so that you can be aware and active and can take more control of your behavior. Also in this part, I help you figure out whether now is a good time to begin dating or not.
If you’re new to dating, have been away from the dating scene for a while, or aren’t happy with the way your dates have been turning out lately, this part is where you want to begin. Even if you read only this part, you’ll still find tons of good information about being a happier and emotionally healthier person.

Part II: Who Do I Want?

After you figure yourself out, the next item on the agenda is figuring out who you want, where you can find them, and how you can make your approach so that you two can get together. In Part II, I give you the lowdown on great places to meet a potential date and pointers on how to approach Mr. or Ms. Intriguing once you do find them.
Making the initial approach is probably one of the toughest parts of meeting someone new — will he like me? will she turn away? will I make a fool of myself? I share tips on what works, what doesn’t work, and how you can maneuver gracefully through the encounter, no matter how it turns out.

Part III: Setting Up the Date

You’ve met someone, you think you click, and now you’re at the next step: setting up a date. In Part III, you can find surefire tips on how to ask for a date so that you get the answer you want or, if the answer is no, so that you can bow out gracefully, with your dignity intact; how to deal with the potentially sticky situation of getting (or giving out) a phone number; and what to look for in the place you pick for the date.

Part IV: Date Day Preparations

It’s date day. You’re probably feeling anxious, excited, hopeful, giddy, and a little queasy. This part takes you through getting ready, from the outside to the inside to the last-minute things you do. In this part, I give pointers on everything from what to wear (and what not to wear) to the things you should carry out the door with you to how you can relax and prepare yourself mentally for a great time.
In this part, I also give you the information you need to make it over the first, generally awkward minutes of a first date: things like what to talk about (and what to avoid), how to flirt, how to listen, and how to gauge how things are going by being aware of body language.

Part V: The Date

In this part, you can find information dealing with just about every scenario you may encounter on a first date. I cover how you can turn an ordinary date into something extraordinary and how you can turn that great time into date number two. I also give pointers on how to navigate through potentially embarrassing or awkward moments, how to end the date, how to deal with the kiss questions (do you or don’t you and how can you tell whether your date wants to, and even how to), and how to step back after it’s over and gain a sense of perspective on the evening.

Since not all dates go wonderfully, I explain how to read the signs of a date going south, and how to handle those not-so-great dates so that you come out looking like the prince or princess you are.

Part VI: The Day After and Beyond

Every date — good, bad, or indifferent — has a day after, and in this part, you can find out how to handle the next day, the next date, and everything that can potentially come after. I also list what things you need to share (and what things you must keep quiet) if your date is turning into a relationship-to-be and when you should share them. I explain the differences between casual, serious, and heavy dating, and how sex can impact the budding relationship.
If your date has turned into a relationship and things don’t seem to be working out, I explain how to read the warning signs, what you can do to try to save the relationship, and, when all else fails, how to break up without either of you falling to pieces and how to move beyond the breakup. Finally, a real danger when you’re feeling vulnerable after a breakup is rebound, so I spend a whole chapter explaining what that is and why you must avoid it.

Part VII: Playing It Safe and Keeping It Fresh

This part covers how you can safeguard yourself from potentially dangerous situations, from things as obvious as letting a friend know where you’re going to less obvious things like paying attention to your intuition. Also, in this day and age, when people meet online or through dating services or the personals, knowing how to protect yourself when your first date is the first time you meet face to face is especially important. Unfortunately, a book on dating isn’t complete without information about how you can protect yourself from the slight but real risks of dating’s dark side: date rape and stalkers.

Part VIII: The Part of Tens

This part contains lists of tens, including “Ten Ways to Know You’re in Love,” “Ten Tips to Happy Dating,” and more. These lists give you good information in quick, snappy bursts.

Lots of books have been written about how to be the perfect date — how to mold yourself into a package that no one of the opposite sex will be able to resist. I want you to resist this notion strenuously. Think about it for a minute: If you pretend to be a stud muffin or a Barbie doll or a pretty woman or a man in black and that’s not the real you, and if your date likes what you’re pretending to be, you have to continue pretending endlessly or, when the real you emerges, the deal is blown. Even if you decide to be your best possible self, are you going to be able to maintain that posture endlessly? If not, when you let yourself unwind you may find your date hurt, angry, and confused about how you presented yourself initially and who you are now. The whole thing about dating is maintainability.

I wrote this book to be about real-life dating:  Remember: The nice thing about a date is that it’s just a date. It’s an opportunity, a time, a place, and a situation for one person to get to know another person. It’s not an invitation for sex or marriage or to meet Mom or to find someone to produce a child with or to impress your friends or to get your folks off your back or to prove that you’re not a loner. Dating is no big deal.

But it can feel really, really scary because it has to do with big-ticket items: the opposite sex and rejection. Yikes! I don’t promise to take all the adrenaline out of dating ’cause that would also remove the fun, but at least I can try to smooth out some of the panic and show you why your palms are sweating and the origin of those tummy butterflies so you can enjoy the ride.